Singer, painter, sexual healer.

i havent written anything of importance in a really long time, maybe i should try. So Love, what the hell, where is it hiding and why cant i find it, and do i really want to. i feel like trying to be with someone for longer than hanging out with a new friend for a week and making out, would be kinda nice. Or, i mean, am i supose to be out with other people having fun, fliting with whomever i wish. True, we will need relationship skills in the future, but are we supose to aquire those skills now? Why do people want to move so fast. what happened actually getting to know someone before you even choose to become a couple. Isnt that what dating is for.. people need to date more. i made out with like 3 different people last month, 1 because i was bored. 2 because i liked him but it was too early for even making out, and then after it felt strange for him to even touch me. and 3 because i felt like i should have before like 6 months ago and never got the chance, so why not do it now to finally say its been done. And the point in telling you my make out list is to then tell you.. that it didnt make me happy. I dont even really like making out that much, unless its with someone that i really care about. But if its not, then its just like eh whatever.. sometimes im even thinking about other things, and my minds wonders. Totally not even into it. Im scared to be with one person i think.. and its strange because a year and a half ago, it wasnt at all like this. In fact i really liked Doug, and that liking went on for almost a year, until i wised up and realised Doug is a big asshole. But who cares thats not the point.. the point was i used to be able to do it, why not now? I almost feel like if im with one person, when im older ill regret not going out and dating more.. seeing what kind of person i work best with, and what type of peope i dont. I think that never being in a relationship and never have a boyfriend, just being free to kiss and dry hump whoever i please has now over run my system. This entry is dumb, and i dont care what everyone has to say, because it probably wont help anyways. Pat's coming down at the end of the month, and i think he should give me another chance because,.. actually i dont really have a good reason why. I think about him, and his little teeth. I kinda like the way he is. But then how long will these feelings last, and will i just disappoint him again. I dont even know. People are right, i do lead people on a lot, but sadly its unintentional.